I'm having an identity crisis.
I'm changing my last name.
Or I'm not changing my last name.
I said I was going to take Jack's name if only because I really like the sound of it.
But then a friend pointed out that I'm the only "Kelly Spoer" in the world.
Yup. Google my name and you only get me.
Google "Kelly O'Dowd" and you get hundreds.
But I come to an impasse: I've been using "Kelly O'Dowd" as my writing name. Ya know, the name I'm actually attaching to my Book editing gig. (What? I didn't write about that? oh. hmmm. ok)
I asked Twitter. I asked Facebook. Everyone gave their reasons for either changing or not. Or creating a new one. Or if both spouses changed their name or only one.
And it's interesting. A lot of women said that they didn't even think about NOT changing their name. It was just a part of the marriage process.
I can respect that.
But for me, names are so much more.
Names are powerful.
Names are you.
You are your name.
I came across this Ursula K. Le Guin piece in college. Senior year. Postmodern Literature. It was in our textbook. I don't even remember if it was assigned reading or not. I just remember being moved by it.
She Unnames Them
Unnaming is not uncreating.
Although it feels like that.
It's wiping the slate clean.
But it comes to mind now (and whenever I think about how names bind us to things) that I'm attached to my own name. It's my identity. Will I still be the same Kelly if I changed my name? Or will I somehow destroy my individuality because I'm taking another's?
On the surface, people will say (and have said) that it's a silly notion. Of *course* you're the same person. You're the same person with or without your name. But something about that doesn't feel right to me. This bundle of experiences can only be expressed with "Kelly Spoer."
And I know that "Kelly O'Dowd" will have her own bundle of experiences, but....
It's not the same.
I still haven't come to a conclusion on what I'm going to do.
Because keeping my last name seems wrong too. That I'm *too* distinct from my husband. That the only thing we have together is our address and our joint savings account.
So I ask. (not that I think anyone really reads this besides myself and the people who have already read my tweet or facebook post)
Why change your name?