This is not to say that 2013 wasn't good for me. I did get married. I did gain a lot of new friends. Gained a new copy editing gig. But, there's a feeling like I didn't learn enough. That I didn't untap my full potential. 2013 was full of ideas without actually completing the vast majority of them. I got sick a lot. I felt off somehow. Both mentally and physically. Not to mention in this past month alone I have been breaking out like a 16 year old; root canal in one tooth and a brand spanking new broken one; and needless drama that isn't even drama but friends lost all the same.
So for the past couple days I've been convincing myself that 2014 is mine, bitch. Because it is.
I don't have these grand plans about traveling the world or over coming my need at the present time for my bipolar meds. I am not making resolutions that I will beat myself up over in a few weeks because I didn't write every day like I wanted to before the new year. I won't tell myself I NEED to loose these last ten pounds because then I will be happier and my life can start. I am not telling myself to create a to-do list every day to just check off so my life is just a bunch of bullet points that I overwhelm myself with and become anxious that I didn't do the laundry, wash the floors, bake, AND read the 5 books I'm in the middle of.
No. Fuck. That. Shit.
In one of the facebook groups I belong to, a woman mentioned an article that talks about picking a word at the beginning of the year that will be your over all theme. After reading it, instantaneously a word popped in my head:
2014 will be my time to heal. To not be afraid of calling the doctor. To making therapist appointments to talk out all the issues I keep in my head. To dig deep to the places that I should have gone in 2013 but were too scared to. To heal relationship with people that I should have done years ago. To cut out all the toxic waste that sneaks into my life. To heal my desires of external validation.
Just to heal.
Now, I'm not under the impression that I will become magically better by the end of the year. I know this is an on-going process, but hey, I gotta start somewhere.
So here's to 2014. Here's to my "healing" year.