Tuesday, June 26, 2012


How does one write about grief?

For me, grief is numbing. A hole in the heart and spirit.
I feel utterly alone, but at the same time, connected to the earth in a way I normally don't feel.

Dust to Dust. etc.

I go through the motions. Answer the phone. "Hello, hi, how are you?" Get people their books. Work. Smile. Cook dinner. Watch a movie.

But I'm a shell.

The inside of me is turmoil. Or, extreme calm. Unable to feel. Just a cold dead ocean.

In a way, I'm grieving for my father along with my aunt. Death bring up all the sludge that just sits at the bottom. Years of debris and sediment on top.  Being ignored until another passing.

I'll miss my aunt. I miss her already. I missed her when I went to florida to see her and she was just skin and bones and pained smiles.

I'll miss the stories I'll never know about my father and her. About my family. The secrets and the reminiscing.

I'll miss feeling like someone in my family understands my particular brand of crazy. I'll miss talking to someone who was frank and treated me with so much love and told me the truths about things. How she dealt with being called bipolar. Her hurts and feelings. And how it runs in the family.

I never understand how I get back to normal after this. How the pain slowly stops. How everything stops reminding you of your loved one. How I can breathe and laugh and smile. I know it happens. It always does. But right now I'll take the sobbing and the numbness. And my lack of words for everything.

Monday, June 11, 2012

Cooking Through My Cookbooks: Moosewood Edition

I went to college in upstate New York.  Yes it was a liberal arts college. Yes there were a lot of neo-hippies around. Yes I was friends with a good chunk of them. There used to be pot luck suppers, (that for the record, I never attended) where people would use The Moosewood Cookbooks as their basis.

What's the Moosewood Cookbooks? Oh my are you missing out.  The Moosewood Collective is based in Ithaca, NY and is a vegetarian restaurant. Now that's really the bare-bones explanation, but it will do. It's good to know that they make fantastically delicious food that you wouldn't know is vegetarian/vegan and they are cookbooks that I recommend to everyone who asks me for a good veggie cookbook. Now, I love bacon as much as the next bacon lover, but I love these cookbooks when I'm looking for something lighter.

And so, thus begins my 30 Things Cause I'm 30 Cooking through my Cookbooks: Moosewood Edition.

Tonight's recipe comes from Moosewood Restaurant: New Classics

Pasta with Easy Summer Sauce

This isn't so much a "sauce"as a dressing, and really this would make a fantastic picnic pasta salad. And omg it was amazing. Really. It truly was. I loved it, but I don't know if Jack did as much.

Does he like it? Or does he not like the picture?

I also have a habit of not following the directions/ingredient list exactly...so I ended up with waaay more than the 4-6 servings it said it was gonna be, but that's ok, leftovers are good.

2 cups quartered grape or cherry tomatoes (I used small heirloom tomatoes like the cookbook notes said I could do. And I used a bit more than 2 cups, probably more like 3 cups)
1/4 cup minced fresh parsley
2 tablespoon minced fresh basil
1/2 cup minced red onions
1 garlic cloves (I used 3, cause garlic is love)
1/4 cup chopped black olives (I used a bit more)
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon coarsely ground black pepper
2 teaspoons balsamic vinegar (optional, taste the mixture beforehand and see if you want to add it. I did but I could see how it all depends on the tomatoes)
1 pound farfalle (bowties! bowties are cool)
2 cups string beans (oh. 2 cups? hmm how about a whole bag of frozen ones because I didn't read the directions...)
1/2 cup crumbled feta cheese (I used a whole 6oz container)

So. BIG pot of boiling water.
While you wait for that to boil, combine the first 8 or 9 ingredients.
Water boiling? Add pasta, when water gets back to a boil, wait 2-3 minutes, add string beans.
When pasta and string beans are done, drain. Put back in pot or a very large serving bowl. Add tomato "sauce" and toss.

ooooo so pretty!

What I was watching while eating dinner:
So Jack and I when I make a real meal and not a frozen dinner or a sandwich, we watch a movie or something.  For this we watched episodes 3, 4, and 5 of series 6 of Doctor Who (The pirates, the doctor's wife, and the gangers!)

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

30 Things to do 'Cause I'm 30

I've been thinking about this whole being 30 thing since January. I'm kinda fixated on it. 30. Still a lot of years for something that I'm repeatedly told is "still a baby."

But 30 is important. I want it to be important. So I've decided to do thirty new things this year. I have until May 28, 2013 to accomplish these goals. Also to figure out thirty things. Because I don't have thirty items yet, more like twenty-five.

So in not much of an order here are my 30 THINGS TO DO 'CAUSE I'M 30!!

  • Get my passport
  • Travel to a different country
  • Get Motorcycle license 
  • Take a yoga class with Kurt
  • Take a spin class (with or without Kurt)
  • Go on a food tour ala Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives
  • Wine Tour! 
  • See Niagara Falls
  • Go whale watching
  • Visit Atlantic City
  • Learn how to operate a sewing machine
  • Make a quilt
  • Volunteer 
  • Go to a beer fest
  • Write a novel
  • Run a 5K
  • Sing Karaoke 
  • Learn to kickbox
  • Go to a Comic Con 
  • Go hot air ballooning
  • Become a bone marrow donor
  • Learn how to play a ukulele 
  • Cook through my cookbooks
  • Take a bookbinding class
  • Buy a metal chicken
  • Ride a horse, camel, and/or and elephant
  • Pay off all my credit cards
  • Watch all the Criterion Collection 
  • ????
  • Profit

So there we are. 24ish things to do because I'm 30. If you have more suggestions, please do tell! I'm gonna document this whole thing here too. So I'll be held accountable. Also, if anyone wants to join me in my adventures and/or can help these things become a reality (damn, these things can get expensive) I will love you more than I already do and thank you forever.