Friday, August 16, 2013

Going Through/Cleaning Up

I started this course today. Called Project 137. Started by my friend Patti Digh. Today is exactly 137 days until the new year.

Where the fuck has this year gone?

I don't think I've felt this lost in a very long time.
Where the world is spinning out of my control.
I'm out of touch with everything.
I can never catch my breath.

And I feel guilty over everything. Well to be honest, I always feel guilty over everything.

So I'm trying to clean out my cobwebs.
I only killed one spider so far. And it was tiny. And I said I was sorry about it.
I did clean out my fridge today. Full of yogurt from June. Where did the time go?

How did I let life run away from me?

I'm broke.
Like, before this past paycheck I had $1.05 in my bank account.


Last year this time I had over $2k

Where did the money go?
Where did I let the money go?
Why haven't I cared until it's too late?

Thankfully I can go to my psych doctor without a co-pay. I need to talk things out again.
I need to write again.
I need to open up again.

So I'm happy and scared about this Project 137.
Who knows what's going to come up.

Hopefully I can purge my demons and black bile from my soul.
Or get over the past and finally move on and live in the present.

Maybe I can actually get a hold of myself without medication again.

So here's to another beginning. Let's see where this goes.


  1. Hey, June yogurt might still be okay.

    I'm happy about this project for you! <3

    1. i threw it out. I wasn't going to eat it. I'm weird like that. Although, if eggs are a few days past their sell by date, i don't care. go figure.

      and i totally refreeze meat after it defrosted.

    2. Well, eggs you can always check safely by seeing if they float. Yogurt is a bit more dicey, but since it's, erm, artful spoilage anyway I've found it lasts longer than what the dates say.

  2. watch hoarders and you'll feel totally fine about your yogurt from June.

    1. i can't tell you how hard I laughed amy amy. (:

      i'm the anti-hoarder. i have to throw things out.

      unless it's books.

    2. haha I'm glad :)