Monday, April 8, 2013

how i'm bipolar

It starts with a word, a turn of phrase.
"You're doing it wrong."
 "What's with your attitude?"
An offhand comment
 "You're intimidating."
 A dirty look.

The next step:
"I can't wear this."
"I gained weight."
"I need a change."
"Why don't I have anything I like?"

step 3:
constantly on guard.
the need to be perfect.
needing to be everything
needing to do everything.

4:
sleep from exhaustion.
tears when no one is looking.
a glass of wine turns into a bottle.
the fights.

5.
screaming
sitting in the corner.
"Don't you fucking touch me."


6.
sleep.


7.
a small smile.
a shower.
shave.
eyeliner.

8.
hugs and kisses
love again

9.
laughter
dancing.
confidence.

10.
parties
and friends
and love and all the stuff all the time.

11.
less sleep.
love and love and love
constant need for another's touch.

12.
Nothing can get me down.
"I'm awesome."
always saying "yes"

13.
begin from the top.

5 comments:

  1. I wish I could say something here to make this go away...
    I hope you are seeking help?
    Lots of love,
    Stay Strong!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I've come to terms with being bipolar. This isn't anything new for me. I'm really just trying to write about it more for other people.

      I do see a therapist, and I'm on medication, and take a bunch of vitamins. So I'm doing kinda awesome for the moment. But I did just come out of a down swing...

      Thanks for the support. (:

      Delete
  2. Thanks for having the strength to share this. Big Hugs Babe! <3 Anna

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. awwwww thanks.

      i said this before to someone else. I don't see this as having strength though, this is just me being me.

      Delete
  3. Love you, Kelly

    And you're pretty much always awesome. So you know.

    ReplyDelete