Conversations

So, I work at Trader Joe's. 

For those who don't know about Trader Joe's, 1. how dare you. and 2. We private label stuff. 

We have a seasonal tea that doesn't even try to pretend that it's not Celestial Seasons

So I tell Jack that I'll pick up a bunch because it's seasonal and once it sells out, it's gone. 

Me: Or we can just go to Shop Rite. 

Jack: And what? Creepily smell the tea boxes?

Me: Wait, you don't do that already?

I mean, how else do you find out what the tea smells like?

Web MD Fail

For the past couple weeks, whenever I get home from work (around midnight:30 or so) I smell cigarette smoke. I live on the fourth floor of our apartment building and my windows are open, so it totally makes sense that this smell could happen.

Jack smells nothing.

I have a better sense of smell than him anyways.


Last night though, I started smelling this cigarette smoke in my car. While I was driving. On the NEW JERSEY PARKWAY.

Jack's awake when I get home.
I tell him the story.

Jack: You should check on Web MD.
Me: No, it will just tell me I have cancer.
Jack: Well it could be a tumor.
Me: It's not a tumor.
Jack: Or a seizure disorder.
Me: I don't have a seizure disorder. Besides, my bipolar meds are also anti-convulsants.


We sleep.
I wake up.
I google "olfactory hallucinations"


More than likely I have a sinus infection (or an actual tumor).

Web MD?

Well when you search Web MD for "olfactory hallucinations" I don't get "sinus infection" or "seizure disorder."

I don't even get "tumor" or "cancer."


Nope.

I get this:

Brain Eating Amoeba


Yup.



So, I think I'll name my brain eating amoeba.
I'll call it Brian.